December 11/11/2011 - The diary of the better luck next time kid.

I can't sleep AGAIN and I already new what I was gonnah say for today.

Couldn't sleep.
(Thought about thursday.)
Went to work.
(Thought about thursday.)
Had a argument with my mum.
(Thought about thursday.)
Went out for my cousins bday. <3
(Thought about thursday.)
So the count down begins.
To THURSDAY!

The day that has th potential to be one of the best and worst day of the last few month.

Thursday my beautiful friends come back. <3

Thursday ____ could be out.
Worst case:

- we don't go out.
- we go out and ___ not there.
- we go out and ___ there and kisses someone.
- we go out and ___ distance and I text ___ something stupid.

I know I've kissed 2 people since that day.
But it was never in front of ____.
It was to get over ___
It was just to see if I liked someone else better.
But I don't.
I can't.

Best case:
- ___ there ___ walks me home, kisses me and tells me ___ loves me.

But this won't happen. Bcause I'm not one of th lucky ones. That get a second chance.


I'm just about lucky to get a first one.
That's why I call myself the better luck next time kid.

My friend said to me in th early hours of this morning:
'When you have distance from someone, something, you forget how bad the bads were, because the people aren't around to remind you of their imperfections.
Which is why you end up missing people so much.
In your head, they become idyllic. In reality... Not so much :)'

But then if you only remember th good stuff, surely that out weighs th bad?'

Merh. idk.

moment of the day: my grandad telling me about time he spent in newyork.
song of the day: dancing with the beast. Wombats
Peaceee and kisses. xxx
Han. <3

December 10/11/2011 - The diary of the better luck next time kid.

I will try to make this as interesting as possible but here goes..

My life.
For the whole world to see. hmm. quiet scary and ridiculous huh?

... sorry for the rambling. I will try and update this as much as possible.

i will also change names of bad people grr. -.-

but keep the names of good one. (: woo.

okay.

soooooooo

so today started with being awake at tooooo late a clock waiting for a reply from a friend that i had been arguing with alot recently. although she meant alot to me i don't think our friendship will ever be rescued.

especially if i get mentioned on her twitter again. -_- grr.

being called a' dogwhoretramp' or something along those lines. (cheers fam.)

Although i felt i gave my best efforts i ended up getting delete later in the day. (double cheers fam.)

i don't resent her but i WILL NOT be trying to be friends with her for while.

i love her and i always will, but i don't like her at the moment.

I had alot of support to keep me calm Jess, chad, kel. <3 MAJOR LOVE

then i listen to the wombats, two door cinema club and cried myself to sleep at the thought of _______ kissing someone else. Pathetic. i know. :')

then after fuck all sleep i had work with my new manjer. Hilter.

i don't like her because of the way she spoke to another member of staff, and then punished the member of staff for sticking up for self. SKET!

anyway it wasn't as bad as i thought, bcause i think she likes me. (:

- teachers pet. -.^

After work:
Went home.
Auntie told me she's looking at a house around the corner. oh.god.
although i love her :') she can stay where she is.

Ended up at my grandparents where i weighed myself.
8.78
not good!
i thought i had put weight back on my bad.
moment of the day: when the old man came in buying a skirt for his wife that was in hospital. <3 QT

Song of the day: ed sheeran kiss me.

Peaceeeeeee and kissses. xxx

Han. <3

p.s this blog isn't to hurt, offend or upset anyone.

darlin' boy

My dearest Jack,


You can call it idiotic or just plain foolishness, but the absence of you has made it unbearable for me to feel anything other then self loath.

I feel disgusted with myself for letting you go and I feel consumed with utter hate for my reflection, as it is a constant reminder of the very thing that gave you up.

Believe me Jack when I say you was the only desire that I have ever felt could kill me. I’m simply breaking inside without you and the friend I thought I could once confide in becomes the enemy I can not worry.

I hide my tears away from John, but it is becoming increasing difficult because he is the only reminder of you that makes my heart beat.

Jack I feel deep despair for my inconsiderateness and unbearable selfish action which urges me to worry you like this, but the day I saw you walk away feels me with a great sadness.

I only have myself to blame for I ripped you away from him like some insecure monster consumed with pride, raising the gun and pulling the trigger myself. for all my wrongs I am sorry.

I wish you could be there for him Jack, for me.

I feel like a child that foolishly fell down a brilliant rabbit hole on the quest for some nonsense of beauty and was taken in to some obscene nightmare with no way out, my only wish is that I wake up.

That I wake up with you.


My own stupid actions have brought the most ugliest pain I have ever had to face, in my short life.

The only thing that was remotely content within it, is becoming increasingly ill.

I need you to hold me Jack.

I feel so stupidly selfish for telling you this, but I fear if I don’t I will break.

I cry at night and my tears only remind me of bullets when they hit the sheet, and then I think of the tears you must have cried.

I could never imagine what it must be like out there in my darkest nightmares.


I want your touch.

I want your kiss.

I want to hear you whisper I love you with your soothing voice, the noises from our last goodbye still echo continuously around my head. The words taunt me as I know I may never hear them from your lips again. If I could just see you again.


I dream of some unending fairytale with you but who wants to live for ever at times like this, when I seem to get the simplest thing wrong like your request. You deserve someone better unlike me. Any decent human being would have mad sure they got your basic items of sanity right.


Find me Jack. please don’t leave me lost and insecure like that child in wonderland come home to me baby, I will pray for you

All my love Hatter

P.S I cry for you.

here's another line from th heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77J6W4ZixAY
Dearest hatter,
                      never to be trusted,
never to be loved,
never to be thought of first,
never to be faught over.

never to be right,
never to be shown your th one? they want.

never to succeed, or achieve.

for you will never be thought of? and happyness will never be.
- because you'll always be known as th freak.

but! how? could they ever love you.
Why! would they ever dare, to show you that they care?

for you are too much of a risk and for you to reach eternal bliss.
You must stop looking for happyness, and shut your eyes so can you sleep.

entering th ground 6ft deep.

and whilst you waste you waste away so coldy?
your fragile body is left so grossly.
- Don't expect them to weep, they'll just hate you because you're weak.
You tried to warn them with tears of sadness, happy faces and crazy madness.
with fraglie structures and screaming voices.

You push and push, for you can't take the love they never gave.

and as you fall towards th ground and once more more write your tears down, secertly praying that they will look.

You! straight into th eyes?

with know doubt, cruel intentions or lies.
holding you closely to their chest.
saying listen to my beating heart.

feel the steadyness of my breathing, for i will be their to protect you.
because i can see your light

i will forever love you and kiss you goodbye at night.


all my love alice. <3

Which way? That way!

play this then read, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY9b6jgbNyc

As you lay within the trees.

Drifting of so carelessly.

Entering the land of dreams.

Tears wills forget to stream

Down upon your redden cheek.

Your heart will slow its beat and the days will blur like a memory.

The birds will tweet and cats will chase.

Whilst you lay still like time and space.

The boring book you are yet to read.

Will soon seem so problem free.

As you close your eyes and take your finally breath before you lay this world to rest.

Once awaken.

You will face a little rabbit with no time to waste.

Without a moment to gather your thoughts

Another lesson is waiting to be taught.

Of you go my darlin’ because down the hole you’ll fall.

Upside down round and round becoming helpless like us all.

And as you look at the dimming light you’re entering a room.

That can only feel you with a heart of pain and a soul that’s so misused.

your knees crash against the ground and behind you is the autumn sounds.

Take a breath and don’t forget, if you don’t move fast you’ll have nothing left.

You must think quickly as time is running away and on the table the poison lays.

For you to figure out just how much you can take?!

So drink up, drink fast and be quick as the door is opening and you are yet to pick?

Which way? That way! Down the road.

As we wait for the story to stop and unfold.

'All my love'

Hatter.  ♥

quickly, bitterly slowly in love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sA85wMC16A play this then read.

Would I be foolish to say the stars have stopped beating?

Or my hearts still wishing?

Is it silly to think my nightmares are keeping me safe at night?

Whilst all my dreams are the ones that make me toss and turn

Could it be destiny to say the worlds started spinning,

and gravity’s keeping me up in the air.

Should I be scared that the pavement that once kept me standing is now hollow,

The wounds of yesterday, are things that bring me the biggest happiness.

Because there deep in side lies,

Iloveyou.

For it was you I gave my heart to.

With it came everything I had.

Now with the big empty space of darkness I must rebuild what was lost.

Would it be foolish to say I could never stop falling, quickly, bitterly slowly in love with the very thing that’s killing me?

I will never back down and I will stand with broken legs and heartless chests,

just to say I made it.

it was just a thought

"all my love " hatter ♥

Shut your eyes and run.

play this then read, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjQtVmh4X1s

Today I learned how to breathe.

I shut my eyes and ran, I ran as fast as I could in the freezing cold and the pounding wind.

Today I didn’t straighten my hair or put my make up on.

Today I wore that dress I never thought suited me.

Today I meowed! At strangers and laughed as loud as I could.

Today I shut my eyes and ran, I ran away from the fakes, the liars, the meaningless ‘I love yous’ the self doubt, the happy couples, the best friends brought together by hate. I SANG to the bands I pretend to hate. I told the jokes that no-one else finds funny.

Today I ran from the boys that only text you because there bored.

The boys that can keep you hanging on a string. The boy you that make you believe you and 10 other girls are just so special and beautiful.

Today I ran away from the girls who post I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY on there boyfriends wall a billion times over. The girls who look you up and down because your pale.

Today I stopped listening to the songs that remind me of you. I stopped paying attention to the tutors that give you the ‘your gonnah fail’ look. 

Today I ran so fast, I lived.


It was just a thought.

"all my love hatter."